To be booked for a christening is something special. I precede the proud parents and God parents who carry the new baby back home. Strangely the bagpipes don't seem to upset the babies!

I also pipe at local boxing matches. Manager trainer Tommy Conroy uses my piping skills to inspire Ryan Kerr who is the first Scotsman to clinch an English title. (Super Middleweight Champion). The cheers from the crowd as I pipe Ryan to his corner is electrifying and deafening. If Ryan has a bad round and the crowd go quiet I start up the bagpipes and Ryan usually goes up a gear. GREAT STUFF.

Q. Why are bagpipers fingers like Lightening?

A. They rarely strike the same spot twice!

On one occasion I was asked to wait in the dark out of sight on top of a hill beside a well known monument until a chap proposed to his fiancé. I was to allow her enough time to answer then start to play the pipes. I was hoping that she accepted his proposal or the grand gesture would be futile. Luckily she did.

On another occasion I was asked to wait on a deserted beach late at night when a young man had bought a holiday home as a surprise for his wife. The signal for me to start playing was when he switched on the light in the dining room. I can honestly say my job is full of surprises.!!

Golf - the sport in which you shout “Fore!” shoot Five, and write Three.

Q. What's the difference between a piper and a Walrus?

A.  One squeals a lot and the other is A Walrus.

This Christmas I was asked by a lady in Marton. Co. Cleveland to come and play in the back garden about 6.45.a.m. to waken her family, She said that she was always up early on the morning really excited to see the kids open there presents. BUT her husband and kids always slept in. So as asked I was in the garden. (after making doubly sure that I was at the correct house in the correct street. At 6.40.a.m. total darkness until I started to play we wish you a merry Christmas and in the Mood then every house light came on in the neighborhood.  The family thought that this was great, and I afterwards heard that the neighbors had enjoyed this and wondered who the nutter was that she had booked.

I also beat this one by playing for a Derek Watson of North Shields. I was booked to play as a Surprise for his birthday. At 8.00.a.m. I was led up the stairs to his bedroom and had to wake him up playing the theme tune from the Local Hero and Blaydon Races. (I wonder who he supported)? and by the way he was well over six foot and about 16 stone, and naked. It went down very well and I never got thumped.